So why has this week been weird. Well, I got some sort of sudden realizations about life stuff, and also once again looking back at things I made and thinking it's not funny at all and just stupid, regrets, regrets. Least ya learn from the things you did, right? But they'll never go away, unfortunately... maybe one day... maybe one day......... but probably not.
Also here-and-there, and I've had this for over a year or so, but I always get random thoughts of regretting the screen name I chose, because there's numbers in it. It basically started as a StarCraft account I made back when I was like 8-years-old, so that must have been around 2004, and then as time went by I made accounts online using that same name, and as I progressed and got sort of an "audience", the more I realized I was stuck with it. I wish I could change it. But I can't. But then again, what I'm realizing is that I want to sort of just use my real name to credit myself, because honestly, if I ever get an actual art/animation/writing/voice acting/game developing/producing type job, what would matter, a little online screen name or my real name? Exactly. Hopefully that time will come. And if it is, it's getting closer. So basically I'll start by crediting myself as "Ben 'Twisted4000' Carswell" and then after a few projects, when everyone is familiarized with that, it will just be my straight-up name. Wish I wasn't in this stupid situation in the first place, but that's too late.
Also, another weird thing, I'm not 100% sure what to do with my channel and website's color theme. I like magenta, yellow-orange and spring-green, as they're my favorite colors and I like they way they look when they're together.... but I want the color scheme to sort of reflect a theme... and the theme is...? Huh... that's been tough. I usually don't seem to have like a "thing" when I do stuff. Lol that sentence sounds so stupid. But like, I usually get inspired by something and I want to do it. But in time, I lose interest and want to move onto something else. When I was younger I was really into the whole future thing, outer-space, aliens, cool-looking advanced technology and so forth (think of StarCraft and Halo, huge inspirations to me). I still think it's cool, but these days I see it sort of as "cold", like, I think of a space station with cool-looking neon lights and all, but at the same time it seems like it's sort of uncomfortable to be there. It's probably just me, but I don't want my "theme" to be like that.
Not a huge fan of the whole medieval fantasy thing, either. Not Gothic/macabre, not modern, not Western... it's tough to say. Even though I just said what I DIDN'T like about it, I guess the whole future thing is me. Another thing I like though is a very specific, unique fantasy. I know I just said I don't like medieval fantasy stuff, but I mean more like, a mystical forest filled with fairies, glowing mushrooms, strange creatures, humans as well... but I can't quite say it's "medieval", it's sort of just another world. So maybe you COULD say it's sort of a future, alien planet. Who knows. Maybe that's my theme. I don't know. I'm just so torn.
But yeah, those are some of the more minute things that have been bugging me lately. There's some serious stuff really hindering me from doing things, turns on and off throughout the months. It's ridiculous, lol it's stupid living like this but I feel like I can't really control it.